You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
