I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
