Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
