You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
