dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
