so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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