News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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