I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
