I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
