I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
