tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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