I wish I only lived at night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
