Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
