sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
