just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
