Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
