I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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