3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
