He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
