I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
