saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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