i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
