last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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