Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize