Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
