I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
