My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
