His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
third nipple confirmed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
