there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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