I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
