Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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