Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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