He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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