my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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