BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
