and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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