Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
