The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
