I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
