Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
