when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
