i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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