I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
