You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
be right there i have to get my cape
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
