Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
