id be glad to
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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