Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
