You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
