so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
