Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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