I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
