you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
