margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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