Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
