adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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