She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
bring money and cleavage
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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