her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
