We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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