cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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