I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
