can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
