whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
