And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
