she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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