on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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