What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
